Friday, May 15, 2015

Follow through Friday - Attempting a NSV

After last week’s emotional post, this one will seem MUCH more upbeat as I overall had a great week! I was off work Friday and out running a bunch of errands but managed to stay on target, even with attending EM’s “Muffins with Mom” Mother’s Day celebration at school. I knew Saturday was going to be my “cheat” day as we were attending a Charity Event (the 2015 Give Kids the World Black and White Gala). I ate light throughout the day knowing I’d be having a big 4 course dinner and lots of alcohol (open bar!). Without doing any “scheduled” exercises on Saturday, I still hit over 19k steps from all the dancing and walking around the event (plus my errands earlier in the day) so that was pretty impressive. Unfortunately, I drank a little too much on Saturday night so wasn’t feeling that great on Sunday, which helped me not eat a lot. I treated myself to Panera (my only meal that day since I was hungover until like 4pm) and since it was Mother’s Day. The rest of this week, I’ve killed it with my eating and exercise with some impressive paces too (although not for very long distances, still working on that).
Instead of just trying to maintain, which as I mentioned last week would cause me to not hit my DietBet weigh ins Sunday and Monday, I’ve decided I’m going to try really hard to hit them. Tonight I'm going out with some friends for a Paint Nite which is at a reataurant. A very expensive restaurant so my cheapness will make it easy to not eat or drink there since I don't need to pay $8 for a beer or $15 for a basic burger. I'll just eat before I go. Tomorrow we have a community pool party/potluck (in which we’ve also invited a few neighbors we are really close with back to our house after that), which means a ton of party food and alcohol. I’ve already made the decision to not drink and stick to my calories the best I can, and have plans to go for a run in the morning with my MRTT mommas. I’m hoping I wake up on Sunday with a NSV (non-scale victory) of sticking to my guns and not indulging. Earlier this week, I was texting with G about what we are bringing to the pool party (his super awesome mac and cheese) and about how it’s going to be so hard to pass over all the yummy party food (I love me some potluck party food!). I then said I’m going to be pissed if I’m good at the party (and don’t eat the yummy “bad “food) and then still don’t hit my weigh in on Sunday morning. And you know what he said? “Even if you don’t hit your goal, you shouldn’t be pissed, you should be PROUD.” And he’s absolutely right, I should be proud when I stick to my decisions, regardless of the outcomes. Hence my goal of a NSV even if I don’t get my scale victory. (Although it does make it more frustrating when you don’t hit the overall goal or see progress). Here’s hoping my hard work and determination pays off this week!
Weight: 159.4 lbs
     3.2 miles in 32:00 (10:00 pace)  ~ estimated since I accidently cleared the screen TWICE during that run. 
     2.00 miles (09:29 pace)
     1.00 mile (09:19 pace)
     0.56 mile (walk)
     0.25 mile (walk)
     Shoulders/Back (2x)
     Arms (2x)
Total Miles: 7.01 miles
Overall Weight Lost since "Starting Point" 10/24/14: 17.2 lbs

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Follow through Friday - Emotions

It’s been a rough three weeks for me. I’ve been struggling emotionally with my weight loss journey and combined with PMS hormones I just felt completely defeated the last few weeks. I finally made some progress getting into the 150’s and then in true Denise fashion, I sabotaged it all. I was just having one of those “days” (which turned into weeks) where I just got fed up with it all. I hate when I get into that mind set. Want to know what was going through my mind: I hate that others don't have to try at all. I hate that I can't go have a few beers and not feel guilty about what it's going to do to me and my goal. I hate that other people don't have to worry about it. I hate that I sabotage my entire week efforts with one night of eating bad and drinking. I hate the way I look in the mirror. I hate that I can't say no to food in front of my face.  I hate that I feel like I have to say no to things/events so I don't cheat. I hate that I feel like I'm missing out on some fun if I choose to be “good” on a weekend.  Now THAT is a lot of HATE and a bad mindset to be in in. I know once I hit my goal, I’ll feel good about it knowing that I, and only I, made it happen. I know I’ll still have to be “good” during the weekend but I can’t wait for weekend splurging to not haunt me. I should be able to have a good time on a weekend without needing to eat and drink bad (and I know I can, I’ve done it before), but I WANT to be able to do it and I want to be able to do it and not feel terrible about it. 

Losing weight and getting healthy is such a hard journey and luckily I don’t let myself fully give up. Even over the last few weeks, I stayed pretty good throughout the work week and only really sabotaged on the weekends. However I hardly exercised, did some business travel and went on a cruise (I did run once on the 3 day cruise though so I suppose I wasn’t too terrible) with an unlimited drink package, so that was just ASKING for trouble. Back to what I said before, I want to be able to go on a cruise and not care, I feel like I SHOULD be able to go on a cruise and not care. But I do care, and that’s what makes this process so emotional.  

However, I woke up on Monday, feeling much better and more positive and am ready to tackle the month of May. May has a bunch of obstacles with a very busy schedule, but I’m determined to stay committed and as long as I don’t GAIN, I’m happy with staying the same for this month considering how busy we are.  Sometimes, I just have to be realistic that I’m not going to continuously lose if I’m not willing to give up certain things to get to where I want to be. Maybe it’s setting myself up for failure, but I have planned out my cheat days for the month and plan to step up the exercise game in hopes to at least maintain this month and if I lose, that’s awesome too. For the month of June, our schedule is pretty light so I’m determined to make June my “no cheat” month. Is that realistic? Right now, it seems probably not, considering I can barely make it a week without cheating (and we’ll probably end up adding things to our schedule), but I think I can do it, if I plan ahead for it and really focus. Focus on the end result. 

Ok enough of all that other stuff, let’s get to the good stuff! As mentioned in my last post, I hit all my DietBet weigh-ins for April but I didn’t have the payouts yet. The pay outs were as follows: $45.87 ($15 bet), $15.86 ($12.50 bet), and $46.20 ($30 bet).  It’s crazy how much they all vary, but any win is a win in my book! I have three for May (5/175/18 and 5/25) and if I just “maintain” I will not hit the two in the middle of the month so I’m obviously going to try super hard to do more than just maintain so I don’t miss out on those winnings.  I signed up for the Celebration Half Marathon (it’s in January 2016 but I just wanted to get the cheaper rate so I signed up early) and five 5ks which are monthly throughout the summer. Having races on the horizon help keep me motivated. I normally don’t do races in the summer because of the heat, but I need the motivation and I’m really trying to get that sub 30 minute race time so maybe it’ll happen during one of those!

The last few weeks in numbers (or lack thereof):

Week ending 4/24:
Weight: 162.2 lbs
            2.00 miles in 19:19 (9:40 pace)
            .55 miles walk
Total Miles: 2.55 miles

Week ending 5/1:
Weight: 163 lbs
            2.26 miles in 25:00 (11:04 pace)
            .85 miles walk
            Arms (1x)
            Shoulder Back (1x)
Total Miles: 3.11 miles

This week, week ending 5/8:
Weight: 161.2 lbs
            1.52 miles in 15:00 (9:52 pace)
            3.10 miles in 37:14 (12:02 pace)
Total Miles: 4.62 miles 

Overall Weight Lost since "Starting Point" 10/24/14: 15.4 lbs